thank-full

memorial day weekend was full of family fun. for the first time in a long time, we were all together - mom, dad, my sister, her husband and little miles, and my brother, his wife and their two kids, gretchen and jacob, along w/ my dad's mom. there is always a little anxiety going into a weekend spent in one house with 9 adults and 3 kids under the age of 3. but it really was such a great time. i'm so in love with my niece and nephews - such great kids. my niece (2 1/2) calls my nephew "miser" because apparently that's what "miles" sounds like to her...and i love it. and jacob, he is 6 months and couldn't be happier just hanging out. love those kids.

the thank-full part comes not only from having such a great family, but even more so because my brother was in an accident about two hours after leaving my parents house on sunday. the kind of accident that when you hear about it, or see the vehicle afterwards (which fortunately i haven't) you think "it's amazing they all made it out alive". the minivan he was driving flipped end over end and skid on its top down the middle of I-64W just west of Lexington, KY. thank-full because they all walked away. my sister-in-law had some stitches and a few other scrapes, my brother had a nice scrape from the road on his shoulder, but the kids were completely fine, just a few band-aids for gretchen and that was all. deep sigh. just praying that my brother can let go of the guilt of being the driver and accept the gift that they are all ok and learn to be thank-full for every moment. it's my little brother, and i just want to take care of him.

tagged

so i was tagged by ang...and here are my 8 random facts:

1. you may not be aware that i was tagged because on the list of "non-bloggers" i am listed as "reverb", a nickname i acquired my freshman year of college from none other than angie herself upon giving me a nice whack on the tukas, which resulted in a strong reverberation from my less-than-tight posterior. as far as i know, until this point, only ang, my husband and i knew this story...now it's out there for the world, or at least the five people that know i have a blog!

2. i have moved 18 times in my 30 years...and i'm preparing for number 19.

3. number 19 will be dayton, ohio so that robert (husband) can attend med school at wright state university.

4. i LOVE roller coasters - the faster, more twisty, more upside-downy the better.

5. i have a SEVERE phobia of vomitting, not necessarily vomittting myself, because that rarely happens, but OTHER people vomitting - hear a person coughing in a restaurant, can't generally finish my meal because i'm convinced they're on the verge of puking.

6. i was on the dean's high honors list for 7 semesters in college...my last semester in college, i had a 1.49 gpa (serious burnout). in fact, my degree actually says i am a graduate in the year 2002 (not 1998 when i walked and when i tell everyone that i graduated) because i never wrote my senior colloq paper and ended up taking a class at malone college to complete the requirement. sad, but true.

7. shows that i watch that i really don't like to admit that i watch: american idol, how do i look? (style network), so you think you can dance (which starts tomorrow - woo-hoo!!!)

8. i just learned to knit last year, and i'm totally addicted.

things i love about today

• walking back to my office as slowly as possible to enjoy the warm sun and fresh air
• eating lunch outside
• 80 degree days in March in Cleveland
• passing by one of the libraries/museums on campus my way to the office and being able to smell the books from outside
• the trees that are budding, almost ready to burst with color and the green pushing it's way up through the black earth
• taking a walk last night with Robert
• the feel of tree bark - whether it's smooth or rough

Spring really is quite good.

Peace be with you today - be outside

barbarians

"...war does not simply bring death and destruction to those immediately involved. It also makes barbarians of us all. It makes people think of the immoral as necessary and evil acts as desirable." - Mano Singham

my grandpa

this is my grandpa with me when i was about three or four. i haven't written about it yet, but he died on december 14. my dad and his brothers and my grandma were all with him at home. he had been in a lot of pain and was more than ready to take the next step of his journey. i know this was extremely difficult for my grandmother - he had been her companion for 60 years. and listening to my father talk about the devastating sound of his last breath was painful. we were all together for his funeral and it was a beautiful experience to see all of the people that had been changed by knowing this man who i was fortunate enough to have come from. watching my dad tell his father goodbye and i love you for the last time is a moment that will be permanently fixed in my memory. it was sad and intimate and vulnerable - watching my father, who is a very large man, be a child again, talking to his daddy.

my grandfather's life was and is, i believe, very full. and i miss him. i didn't see him as often as i would have liked, but the times we spent together - they were good.

hallelujah

drove to Messiah College a couple of weeks ago for David Bazan and Sam Beam. it was a long and tiring weekend - 12 hours of driving in 2 days. but the music...

david started with "hallelujah" and i was in tears most of the night. raw...

We are all responsible

25 July 2006

Dear Friends,
I have been following the news for the last two weeks as well as for the rest of my life.
Today I do not understand anything though I thought I would understand more.
I find it more and more difficult to take sides as most people do since I cannot see that all the justice is one side while the other is totally guilty.
I cannot see a difference between all the civilian victims.
I cannot see a difference between all those who carry weapons.
I cannot see a difference between all those who give the orders to kill.
I cannot divide people as “good” and “bad”.
I cannot trust any politician since they are all after keeping their chair as long as they can and many of them are willing to sell themselves to the devil for that purpose.
I cannot trust the media since it is all biased and misleading.
I cannot excuse anybody from personal responsibility since I believe that at any moment, whatever the situation is, it is the responsibility of everybody whether they are actively taking part or just watching from the side.
I do not want to let anybody destroy my humanity by filling me up with hate and anger towards others.
I choose not to follow anybody but to follow my conscience
I choose not to serve the ambitions of anybody but the ambitions of my humanity.
I choose not to be a tool in the hands of those who want to destroy but a tool in the hands of those who want to build.
I believe that wars and violence show how stupid we are and not how wise.
I believe that wars and violence come from the animal within us and not from the human, with my apologies to all of the friendly animals.
As it is true that we cannot make peace with the others as long as we are not in peace with ourselves it is also true that no nation can make peace with another as long as it does not have peace within itself.
My office is next to the swimming pool where groups of little children and kids come every day to swim. Some of them are Jewish and some are Palestinians and some are mixed. From the short distance where I watch them during my cigarette break I cannot tell who is who.
The screams and the shouts of their excitement sound the same whether they are Jews or Palestinians or others.
Who destroys the innocence of these kids?
If they do not fear each other now, then who and what make them fear each other when they are grownups?
Who poisons their minds?
Can we adults for once try to relearn our innocence from the kids, who have not been polluted yet?
Or do we think that we are much smarter than they are and that they have to believe in our fears which have been passed to us by our parents and grandparents.
Everything is mutual and the other is always our image.
If you want the respect of the others, then start to respect them first.
If you want the love of the other, then start to love them first.
If the others hate you or dislike you, then check why, within yourself, and not within them.
Peace and war are inevitable depending on what we choose.
Long live Wahat Assalam/Neve Shalom and all its inhabitants who are serving as an example for the entire world in spite of all the excuses that all the others are choosing to shackle themselves with.
Long live Neve Shalom/Wahat Assalam and its inhabitants who have chosen to be leaders, rather than followers like the majority of people today.
Long live all the parents in the Oasis of Peace for choosing this human reality for their children.
Long live the memory of Father Bruno Hussar who planted this seed to serve as a lesson for every individual about the infinite potential that each one of us has.
My sincere thanks and gratitude to all those who have chosen to put their weight into supporting and building this community that is giving hope and optimism to millions of people in our land and all over the world - in spite of all the petty issues that crop up here as in every other community.
The important thing is that we are on the right road.
Best wishes,
Rayek Rizek

recognition

"For some of us, books are intrinsic to our sense of personal identity." - John Updike

communion

terrible picture from a cell phone camera, but the blurry image that you see is the magic of Over the Rhine playing on the Kent Stage last night. to use a Father Rick phrase "my soul was arrested"... over and over again. teary-eyed and full, robert and i walked out of the theater hand in hand. oh that i could end every day that way. the room was my santuary; the music was my scripture; karin's voice was singing my prayers. i couldn't breathe. i was at peace.

John Kuntz of The Plain Dealer took this photograph. The caption read "Holding the Hand of Peace" and under the photo, "Angelo Paolone, a worker with Shippers Highway Express Inc. holds the hand of a 13 foot bronze statue of Mahatma Ghandi as he and other worker place it on a base in the India section of the Rockefeller Gardens. It is to be unveiled in a ceremony Sunday." This statue of Gandhi is being installed just down the road from my house. I will be honored to walk with him. I hope through his presence overlooking this beautiful stretch of land people will be challenged to learn more about the way of peace.

I found it ironic and so appropriate that Eric wrote this today.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world" - Gandhi

legacy

this is Dale Stivers, my grandpa, holding my sister's beautiful boy, Miles. my grandpa is an amazing soul and he is very sick. he has been sick most of my life in some way. his first of five heart attacks came at the age of 42 and the last happened at 2:00am the last Christmas we were all together in 1996. his heart has been severely damaged and he has been in "congestive heart failure" since 2001. but his heart has not failed...instead, this July he was diagnosed with cancer. it is somewhere in his liver or pancreas or something like that, we're not really certain. his heart is too weak for any kind of treatment.

my parents, my sister and her husband and son, and robert and i made the trek to southern illinois last weekend to visit my grandparents. this was the first time they had seen Miles and it was such a beautiful moment. i was overwhelmed at the sight of my grandfather holding Miles for the first time. i was keenly aware in that moment that all of us standing in that room were there because of this one man, my grandfather. because of him, we all existed in this time and space together...a family, four generations. he is such a beautiful, gentle man. he told the best stories to all of his grandchildren when we would visit. he took all of us fishing at one time or another. he loves deeply and well, and has always been grieved if he feels he has not represented Christ well. there are many stories that i will share with my children about their great-grandfather. like the time i was told my dad came home too late as a teenager and my grandpa took him out back and told him to choose a switch (to get a "whoopin'" as my dad would call it). after the switch was chosen, my grandpa handed it back to my dad and said "i will take your punishment for you." perhaps it seems dramatic, but that is just how he was - wanting to show grace and mercy. another of my favorite stories is the time my grandpa sold his house in the bathroom. apparently, when he was in the men's restroom at a restaurant, he got into a conversation with a young man that said he was looking for a house in the city where my grandparents lived. so, my grandpa said "i have a house. you can buy mine." the funny thing is, they weren't even discussing selling their home or moving. so, when he told my grandma about it upon returning to the table, she said "where are we going to live?" well, they sold the house and ended up finding a home a few miles away in the next town over. my grandpa is not owned by his possessions and lives simply. i hope i will eventually get there completely.

when he takes his last breath, whether it be in a few months as the doctors have said, a few weeks or years, he will have left an amazing legacy for all of those that came into contact with him. i am so honored to be a part of that legacy.

how sweet it is...

just listening to a little live James Taylor. good times.

my wonderful husband indulged my art obsession for a couple of days in Madrid when we attempted to see most of the works at The Prado, the Thyssen-Bornemisza (which also contained this amazing collection), and the Reina Sofia. we failed miserably at The Prado (to see all of its works) - partly because there are just too many and partly because neither of us were very fond of the period of art that is prominently displayed there. i hate to seem judgemental about anyone's artwork, but it just wasn't my thing. however, when we got to the Thyssen, i was overwhelmed. the variety of art and artists was simply amazing. i have been to quite a few museums, but i must say that this was one of my favorites if that is possible. we spent hours wandering the rooms and halls on weary legs that had been walking the streets all day. i just couldn't tear myself away. the Reina Sofia was also quite wonderful - mainly modern and contemporary art. the most disappointing thing of this visit was not being able to see Picasso's Guernica due to renovation that had started two days prior to our arrival. deep sigh. it will have to wait for another visit i suppose.


the Thyssen website has most of it's collection available for online viewing and i highly recommend the break from whatever you are doing. enjoy dear friends. be changed.

the day

my dear friend Amber was kind enough to capture our wedding for us and create a blog for us to share. she is amazing and i am fortunate to know her.

the ceremony was perfect to us...from the music (over the rhine "i want you to be my love", ben harper "happy everafter in your eyes" and "power of the gospel", sufjan stevens "come thou fount of every blessing", handel "pastoral symphony"...) to the words (amber wrote out our vows on the blog she created with our pictures), to the people who shared the evening with us. thank you to all.

spain was really quite wonderful and i will share pictures and stories very soon.

grace and peace to you tonight...

connection

the following post is an update letter from the beautiful ones at Invisible Children. Robert and I joined 250 other people in downtown Cleveland last Saturday evening. We were also joined by others all over the world - in order to join with the children in Northern Uganda that travel from their villages to sleep in the city every night to avoid being kidnapped from their homes. We were all connected in that moment. It was quite powerful and overwhelming to think of the children trying to find safety as I slept in a place that I would normally never go - fearing my safety.

We had been there for a couple of hours already and were settling in, then up the hill came this large group of 50 people carrying their sleeping bags and their compassion. It felt good to be one. I was frustrated by some that seemed to forget the purpose and created on large sleep over party. However, I had to remind myself that they came. They were aware of the situation and they came.

May we continue to make people aware of the things that are happening around the world - in Northern Uganda, in East Timor, in Darfur. And the list goes on and we remain unaware.

grace and peace to you.

Invisible Children

We don’t really know where to start…what an event.
Each city’s attendance exceeded their online sign-ups, and our expectations immeasurably. As our office staff reconvened from all over the U.S. we sat in disbelief at the lack of catastrophes: none injured by street traffic, no missing children, no creepy park dwellers, just peaceful, playful yet contemplative crowds. We feel like proud parents who just got home from the parent-teacher conference with word that OUR kid is the best in the class. Even the cops complimented us- about you. Now we want to compliment you too.

From the group in San Diego whose feet were bleeding from walking 21 miles barefoot to join us, to the 7 girls in Chicago who shaved their heads. From the New Yorkers who could be ‘laying but not sleeping’ on the sidewalk in a single file line, to the downpour on the Prom dresses in Franklin, Tennessee – you were a part of something memorable. Young, old, all races, all religions – the states united. If you were with us on this night, you must feel as we do: altered. Puzzle pieces come together to form a big beautiful picture – and for one night, more than 70,000 pieces joined the thousands in Northern Uganda, and slept outside.

Did you have a moment to stop? Did you look out through the morning mist, or rain, or snow, and think: there are kids who do this every night? Did you look at the bodies, on the ground and think – I can’t believe there are this many people who know about the night commuters in Northern Uganda, and this many people who care enough to do something. Continue to learn about this crisis, and stay involved. (It’s not too late to ask people to write the President, and your state’s Senators.)

Many of you may not have known, but Jacob (seen in the film “Invisible Children: Rough Cut” and now, on Oprah) flew in for the event and was in constant awe. He kept whispering to us, “I am so touched.” When speaking to the crowd that night he said, “I now know that you Americans care about the children of Northern Uganda.”

We feel the force of this movement, and the responsibility to continue moving forward.
Trust us, we are moving.

Apoyo matek means “beyond thank you” in Luo, which is one of the languages spoken in Northern Uganda. Thank you for being a part of something purposeful. Thank you for fighting for justice for people you may never meet, and knowing they deserve what you, and your own children would. Don’t for a moment think your being there didn’t make a difference. What an enormous victory for the people of Northern Uganda.

Stay tuned. This is only the beginning.

Much Love,
Your Friends at INVISIBLE CHILDREN

P.S.We have loved seeing your pictures and videos posted on Myspace, please burn them on a disk (highest res possible), or make dubs, and send them to our office.
Our address is :1810 Gillespie Way, San Diego, CA, 92020 attn: GNC photos

Also, when we do events like this, we hear stories of the incredible ways in which people have responded after seeing the film. Stories we would have otherwise never heard. WE WANT TO HEAR. From photos of you that your mom snapped mid-bake sale, to newspaper articles you or your friends were in, from school papers to national news, you MUST have copies of what you did for these kids, and we want a copy as well. Tell us all about your event, and send them to: Our address is :1810 Gillespie Way, San Diego, CA, 92020 attn: Danica

Miles

man, my sister and her husband made one cute kid. seriously, don' t you just want to squeeze him?!?!?!?

better late than never

i was privileged to spend Friday evening in deep remembrance of the pain and suffering of Christ. commemorating with other followers the moments leading up to and during the crucifixion. feabily trying to empathize with those who were there, with those who lost leader, a dear friend, a son. i have been acutely aware of the severe mercy of loss in recent weeks. although i have never met mark or amy or micah palmer, i have known them through their words for a few years now. on my journey towards marriage, the idea of that loss - the loss of a lover, a friend, a lifemate - is almost crippling. i find myself often in tears feeling the pain of one i do not know. we are all so connected.

thank you, david and jenn for helping me enter in the weekend being mindful of all that was and all that is and all that is to come. i am grateful. here's to more moments of awareness.

killin' time...

...thanks to ang. i've totally got you beat on the squishiness.

Luke Skywalker You scored 62% airiness, 94% squishiness, and 21% edginess!

According to our patented JawamaticTM technology, you are most like Luke Skywalker in personality. Luke is a dreamer and a romantic. He's excited by possibilities and has strong core values that affect all his decisions. Luke is loyal and idealistic, always coming through for those he loves. Luke is, in a word, heroic. (The polar opposite of Luke Skywalker is Yoda.)

Take The Star Wars Personality Test

p.s.

i promise that once the wedding planning stuff is over i will be able to have a normal conversation that does not include any of the following:

• what my "colors" are
• seating arrangements
• getting addresses for invitations
• and so much more...

i would love to talk about:

• traveling mercies and why i'm expectantly awaiting Anne Lamott on April 7
• how every morning i will the tulips and daffodils that have sprouted outside my house to stay alive...that i'm hoping just as they are that eventually the sun will come out to stay
• the blood red sky that i saw out my window last night as the sun was setting behind the lake
• how i'm struggling to get out of the pattern of my upbringing when it comes to my relationship with food

soon...

planning is so not my thing...

so, i need to figure out what music i want for the wedding and i'm having a hard time putting my arms around it.

Is "And So It Goes" (Billy Joel) a bit too sad for the special day? because i do believe it gets the message across.

here's what i know so far:
the lord's prayer (hopefully sung by the one and only Dana Baker, if he gets back to me with a "yes". so, if you'd like to help in the coercing, please feel free.)
pastoral symphony from The Messiah (for the girls to walk in)

a few considerations have been "brother, let me be your servant" and "bridge over troubled water"

any advice?