Some people do not have to search - they find their niche early in life and rest there, seemingly contented and resigned. They do not seem to ask much of life, sometimes they do not seem to take it seriously. At times I envy them, but usually I do not understand them - seldom do they understand me.
I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know - unless it be to share our laughter.
We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.
~James Kavanaugh
6.05.2009
9.09.2008
a few things
what i did this evening
what i'm reading these days
enjoy these cool evenings. be outside.
9.05.2008
in and out
perhaps this is just me, but there are certain songs that just help me breathe a little better. for instance, the song Kissing You by Des’ree – best known from this lovely film. from the opening piano strains my eyes close and my chest rises.
this is just one of many for me. are there songs that open up a space in you?
"…watching stars without you, my soul cries…"there is just something about that music that enables a deep breath – a large inhale and a slow exhale.
this is just one of many for me. are there songs that open up a space in you?
9.04.2008
She
i am notoriously bad at keeping up on this blog. there are many reasons - generally the only time i'm on the computer is at work, i find it difficult knowing how much to share, i write many posts in my head - while i'm driving, in the shower, etc - and can't for the life of me remember what i was going to say when i'm actually in front of the computer screen...and last but not least, but probably the most likely is that i continuously self edit and that doesn't work well when you're trying to write on a regular basis.
well, i'm going to give it a try, to simply write. truthfully, honestly, perhaps poorly, but i will write. i've been away awhile - well She has been away awhile. She is the one discovered after the pretending was over and the masks were removed. She was the one living inside - the artist, the musician, the writer, the lover. She was bright and passionate and geniune and i was instantly drawn to her. there are certain dear friends that welcomed her and allowed her to have a voice. over time and through life events She retreated again. i've missed her, this authentic self. i've invited her to come out and play. we're reading wonderful books together - Julia Cameron and SARK, and we're writing every day, and we just signed up for photography classes (learning to develop black and white in a dark room!!!). over time i hope that this "we" can become me again. it will take putting one foot in front of the other and continuing to walk hand in hand with those deepest desires. learning to accept the whole instead of only a part. not being afraid of criticism. not allowing any boxes. setting healthy boundaries for myself. learning a bit of self care. it's a process. a journey. a path that i will always walk, that may have many meandering curves, with some deep valleys, steep hills and breathtaking views. i have lost enough time.
peace to you.
well, i'm going to give it a try, to simply write. truthfully, honestly, perhaps poorly, but i will write. i've been away awhile - well She has been away awhile. She is the one discovered after the pretending was over and the masks were removed. She was the one living inside - the artist, the musician, the writer, the lover. She was bright and passionate and geniune and i was instantly drawn to her. there are certain dear friends that welcomed her and allowed her to have a voice. over time and through life events She retreated again. i've missed her, this authentic self. i've invited her to come out and play. we're reading wonderful books together - Julia Cameron and SARK, and we're writing every day, and we just signed up for photography classes (learning to develop black and white in a dark room!!!). over time i hope that this "we" can become me again. it will take putting one foot in front of the other and continuing to walk hand in hand with those deepest desires. learning to accept the whole instead of only a part. not being afraid of criticism. not allowing any boxes. setting healthy boundaries for myself. learning a bit of self care. it's a process. a journey. a path that i will always walk, that may have many meandering curves, with some deep valleys, steep hills and breathtaking views. i have lost enough time.
peace to you.
7.31.2008
Afternoon Mix
with itunes on shuffle - it was a good afternoon.
Hallowed – Jennifer Knapp A Diamond in the Rough Disc 2
He Leadeth Me – The Martins An a Cappella Hymns Collection
Unbreakable – Alicia Keys Unplugged
Elephant – Damien Rice 9
The Mind of Christ – Truth One
Pastures of Plenty – Allison Krauss Lonely Runs Both Ways
Fever – Over the Rhine Live From Nowhere Vol 1
Joy to the World – from Lifted: Songs of the Spirit compilation
I Just Don’t Think I’ll Ever Get Over You – Colin Hay Garden State Soundtrack
All I Need Is Everything – Over the Rhine Changes Come (Live)
We’re Gonna Pull Through – Over the Rhine Snow Angels
Blue Eyes – Cary Brothers Garden State Soundtrack
Drunkard’s Prayer – Over the Rhine Drunkard’s Prayer
What I’ll Remember Most – Over the Rhine Ohio Disc 1
Grey – Ani DiFranco Reveling/Reckoning
Orphan Girl – Over the Rhine Live From Nowhere Vol. 2
Stop and Stare – One Republic Dreaming Out Loud
Hush Now (Tipsy Gypsy Mix) – Over the Rhine Live From Nowhere Vol. 2
Etcetera Whatever – Over the Rhine Good Dog Bad Dog
9 Crimes – Damien Rice 9
Crazy As Me – Allison Krauss Lonely Runs Both Ways
Wild Horses – Alicia Keys and Adam Levine Unplugged
Una Notte A Napoli – Pink Martini Hang On Little Tomato
Lifelong Fling – Over the Rhine Ohio Disc 1
Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing – Sufjan Stevens Hark! Songs For Christmas Vol 1
Hallowed – Jennifer Knapp A Diamond in the Rough Disc 2
He Leadeth Me – The Martins An a Cappella Hymns Collection
Unbreakable – Alicia Keys Unplugged
Elephant – Damien Rice 9
The Mind of Christ – Truth One
Pastures of Plenty – Allison Krauss Lonely Runs Both Ways
Fever – Over the Rhine Live From Nowhere Vol 1
Joy to the World – from Lifted: Songs of the Spirit compilation
I Just Don’t Think I’ll Ever Get Over You – Colin Hay Garden State Soundtrack
All I Need Is Everything – Over the Rhine Changes Come (Live)
We’re Gonna Pull Through – Over the Rhine Snow Angels
Blue Eyes – Cary Brothers Garden State Soundtrack
Drunkard’s Prayer – Over the Rhine Drunkard’s Prayer
What I’ll Remember Most – Over the Rhine Ohio Disc 1
Grey – Ani DiFranco Reveling/Reckoning
Orphan Girl – Over the Rhine Live From Nowhere Vol. 2
Stop and Stare – One Republic Dreaming Out Loud
Hush Now (Tipsy Gypsy Mix) – Over the Rhine Live From Nowhere Vol. 2
Etcetera Whatever – Over the Rhine Good Dog Bad Dog
9 Crimes – Damien Rice 9
Crazy As Me – Allison Krauss Lonely Runs Both Ways
Wild Horses – Alicia Keys and Adam Levine Unplugged
Una Notte A Napoli – Pink Martini Hang On Little Tomato
Lifelong Fling – Over the Rhine Ohio Disc 1
Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing – Sufjan Stevens Hark! Songs For Christmas Vol 1
5.09.2008
4.01.2008
confession
i found the following two quotes while reading Anne Lamott - Grace (eventually)
The battle with my body – perhaps I should stop that sentence there as this give insight into my struggle. Perhaps because I see it as battling with my body, I continually fail. Maybe the answer lies in making peace within myself, making peace with my body. It definitely deserves better than I give it. I deserve better. There was always an under current of self-deprecation that was acceptable and even somewhat encouraged or expected in my home. It was all tied into being a good Christian – with the whole unworthy of grace, sinful nature and needing to be humble thing. Not that there isn’t some validity in not being completely narcissistic, but I think that mentality, that we don’t deserve to treat ourselves well, to take care of ourselves is misguided at best, and devastating at worst. It feeds the vicious cycle of losing and gaining weight and of punishing myself – emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually – when I fail, once again. Part of that punishment comes in the form of abusing my body even more with lack of movement and less than ideal nourishment. Part of that punishment (and perhaps more destructive because it creates isolation) is avoiding relationships with people because I feel ashamed of what I’ve done to my physical self. There are individuals that I dearly cherish that I haven’t seen often over the last few years because I was too embarrassed of my appearance. I know that doesn’t allow for much trust and grace. God help me.
I need to be more gentle with myself. I need to recognize what a gift my body is, how amazing its processes are, how strong it is – even though I’ve neglected it for far too long.
"prayer is not asking for what you want, but asking to be changed in ways you can’t imagine." - Kathleen Norris
"where is the Life we have lost in living?" - t.s. eliot
The battle with my body – perhaps I should stop that sentence there as this give insight into my struggle. Perhaps because I see it as battling with my body, I continually fail. Maybe the answer lies in making peace within myself, making peace with my body. It definitely deserves better than I give it. I deserve better. There was always an under current of self-deprecation that was acceptable and even somewhat encouraged or expected in my home. It was all tied into being a good Christian – with the whole unworthy of grace, sinful nature and needing to be humble thing. Not that there isn’t some validity in not being completely narcissistic, but I think that mentality, that we don’t deserve to treat ourselves well, to take care of ourselves is misguided at best, and devastating at worst. It feeds the vicious cycle of losing and gaining weight and of punishing myself – emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually – when I fail, once again. Part of that punishment comes in the form of abusing my body even more with lack of movement and less than ideal nourishment. Part of that punishment (and perhaps more destructive because it creates isolation) is avoiding relationships with people because I feel ashamed of what I’ve done to my physical self. There are individuals that I dearly cherish that I haven’t seen often over the last few years because I was too embarrassed of my appearance. I know that doesn’t allow for much trust and grace. God help me.
I need to be more gentle with myself. I need to recognize what a gift my body is, how amazing its processes are, how strong it is – even though I’ve neglected it for far too long.
2.05.2008
it doesn't take much
having my itunes on shuffle not only provides a great background for my work day, but also gives me some unexpected amusement. for instance when i'm listening to "Rejoice Greatly, O Daughter of Zion" from the Messiah and the very next song is Over the Rhine's version of "Fever" - good times.
1.25.2008
church
As I was (not) so gently reminded by ang, it has been quite some time since I’ve posted here. I always feel a bit guilty because I am one of those I-read-your-blog-everyday-why-haven’t-you-posted-anything-new-in-two-weeks kind of people. So, I’ll give it a shot – the whole posting more often thing.
So, today, I’d like to pose a question for all two readers.
Is anyone else bothered by the lyrics “I will shout your fame” when referring to Christ?
Perhaps I am overly sensitive or judgmental or both. Or perhaps it was just the cumulative effects of a Starbucks in the lobby, the joke about emailing on the blackberry during service from people leading music on the platform and the very self-centered - not God focused - songs that had come before. Or the fact that I haven’t been in more than a handful of traditional (well not traditional in the historical church sense, but in the 3 praise songs with clapping and a little swaying, prayer, another song, prayer, sermon, song, benediction prayer sense) church services in the past four years or so, but I was pretty darn uncomfortable singing about shouting and fame when it was in reference to my very gentle-spirited, quiet and unassuming Jesus. I know there are extremely bold and quite rebellious aspects of His character discussed in the gospels as well as his gentleness and penchant for going off alone, but “shout His fame???” really? Shouting? And fame?
I was really missing How Great Thou Art and When I Survey…
Perhaps it’s not my community, but I hope to find one soon. It has been too long.
So, today, I’d like to pose a question for all two readers.
Is anyone else bothered by the lyrics “I will shout your fame” when referring to Christ?
Perhaps I am overly sensitive or judgmental or both. Or perhaps it was just the cumulative effects of a Starbucks in the lobby, the joke about emailing on the blackberry during service from people leading music on the platform and the very self-centered - not God focused - songs that had come before. Or the fact that I haven’t been in more than a handful of traditional (well not traditional in the historical church sense, but in the 3 praise songs with clapping and a little swaying, prayer, another song, prayer, sermon, song, benediction prayer sense) church services in the past four years or so, but I was pretty darn uncomfortable singing about shouting and fame when it was in reference to my very gentle-spirited, quiet and unassuming Jesus. I know there are extremely bold and quite rebellious aspects of His character discussed in the gospels as well as his gentleness and penchant for going off alone, but “shout His fame???” really? Shouting? And fame?
I was really missing How Great Thou Art and When I Survey…
Perhaps it’s not my community, but I hope to find one soon. It has been too long.
12.11.2007
tis the season
the husband and i talked about when we say Christ brought peace to the earth that really, he didn't BRING peace, but He WAS Peace and that it was only in following his path that peace would ever truly be a possibility. and taking that to the next level, is the reason we have so much violence, dissonance, hatred, because the "christians" are not really followers of Christ - not doing the peaceful work of Christ? obviously there are many layers to this question and the issues surrounding it, but i do believe that we are desparately missing something in our mainstream "christian" lives. the violence of the last few weeks has only heightened that awareness for me. from the recent nationally publicized shootings in alaska, colorado and nebraska to the violence that we heard of every day when living in Cleveland. it is so easy to be lulled into unawareness, to go about my everyday priviged life and ignore the pain around. going even further, i could succumb to resignation as i've seen happen to many in my parents generation. the argument i've heard on more than one occassion 'well the world is going to end soon anyway with Christ's return and the bible promised no peace until then, so why bother.' perhaps not word for word, but that is the general mindset. but why shouldn't we bother? i thought that was the whole point - to be deeply bothered by the hatred and suffering and brokenness and violence. to be moved in our guts, our entrails, to be physically pained by injustice. i won't sit down on the steps. i won't forget the prayer "your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven". i believe that is the true call - to be a part of bringing the Kingdom here. to change this hell that we're living in. to live in peace and promote that among the nations...all of them. period.
deep breath. step down from the soapbox. extending a hand. i bid you peace for your day, your week. we can all make the change.
deep breath. step down from the soapbox. extending a hand. i bid you peace for your day, your week. we can all make the change.
12.04.2007
8 random things
ok, so dear Amber tagged me for an 8 random things post about 9 million years ago - which i never posted. now that the living in two places, trying to find a job, trying to stay financially afloat living in two places and trying to find a job saga is over (more on that later), ladies and gentlemen, here it is, 8 random things you might not (and may never want to) know about me:
1. i have never decorated for Christmas (or any other holiday for that matter) until this year. i always lived in small spaces with very little storage and i was trying to keep things simple. now that i'm married and we live in a bigger space, i was desiring a bit of holiday nostalgia and wanting to create some of our own. it should be fun.
2. i'm a picky eater. i really really really try not to be and i like some really strange foods that others might not from hummus to sweet pickles. but alas, that doesn't change that i HATE sour cream, cottage cheese, cream cheese (so cheese cake is out), most seafood, beets, and so on. thankfully i love most veggies and fruits and breads of all kind. so i think i'll survive my picky-ness.
3. i really love Christmas music - i've been listening since october. the Messiah, over the rhine, harry connick, even a little mariah carey (sad but true, but i will defend it by saying that it was early mariah from the mid 90s), nat king cole and bing crosby. just love it all. and finally singing Christmas hymns. love it.
4. i really enjoy baking, but don't do it much. i'm hosting Christmas at my place this year, so i think there will be ample opportunities for baking!
5. i'm getting ready to start a new job soon and i still have that 13 year-old "i hope they like" girl inside.
6. i don't like talking on the phone - very often at least.
7. i'm really terrible at keeping up on my blog writing (more obvious than random)
8. in my 31st year, i'm beginning to understand what my mom was saying all these years "i'm not concerned much with getting older, but i really don't feel [insert age here]". it's just strange to be firmly in my 3rd decade...strange and beautiful journey.
so there you have it. 8 random things.
1. i have never decorated for Christmas (or any other holiday for that matter) until this year. i always lived in small spaces with very little storage and i was trying to keep things simple. now that i'm married and we live in a bigger space, i was desiring a bit of holiday nostalgia and wanting to create some of our own. it should be fun.
2. i'm a picky eater. i really really really try not to be and i like some really strange foods that others might not from hummus to sweet pickles. but alas, that doesn't change that i HATE sour cream, cottage cheese, cream cheese (so cheese cake is out), most seafood, beets, and so on. thankfully i love most veggies and fruits and breads of all kind. so i think i'll survive my picky-ness.
3. i really love Christmas music - i've been listening since october. the Messiah, over the rhine, harry connick, even a little mariah carey (sad but true, but i will defend it by saying that it was early mariah from the mid 90s), nat king cole and bing crosby. just love it all. and finally singing Christmas hymns. love it.
4. i really enjoy baking, but don't do it much. i'm hosting Christmas at my place this year, so i think there will be ample opportunities for baking!
5. i'm getting ready to start a new job soon and i still have that 13 year-old "i hope they like" girl inside.
6. i don't like talking on the phone - very often at least.
7. i'm really terrible at keeping up on my blog writing (more obvious than random)
8. in my 31st year, i'm beginning to understand what my mom was saying all these years "i'm not concerned much with getting older, but i really don't feel [insert age here]". it's just strange to be firmly in my 3rd decade...strange and beautiful journey.
so there you have it. 8 random things.
10.08.2007
let it in
i recently finished "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. in the last section of the book she writes of a time of meditation in Indonesia. she took time to look at all of her sorrow, all of her anger, and all of her shame (jealousy, selfishness, arrogance)...each moment she could remember. for each of these memories she acknowledged its existence, experienced it again in all of its pain and frustration and debilitation, blessed it and invited it into her heart, saying to each moment "It's OK, I love you. I accept you. You can rest here. You are welcome here. Come into my heart now. It's over." as a Christian, in the simplest explanation of salvation that is taught to the little ones, Christ lives in our heart. takes up residence there. in reading this, i thought it a beaufiful expression of trust and abandonment - experiencing each moment of our lives in a quiet, honest space and inviting it to find rest, to leave the space in our mind where we are tormented by the continuous existence of these moments - always brought forward in our dark and doubtful times. i know full well that there will still be memories, still moments of self-deprication, still heartbreaking loneliness...but i also know full well that i can continue to invite those moments into my heart, to find Rest, to find a Voice of truth, to find release.
be well friends.
be well friends.
9.13.2007
a circle of quiet
i'm not sure how i missed this but she passed away last friday. i have read a few of her books and certainly intend to read more.
i am currently re-reading a circle of quiet and it is good for the soul. i deeply enjoy her candor and her depth. bright evening star was a beautiful short book. i remember most the story about sitting on the wall of the chapel while traveling in scotland with friends, remembering how much pain was caused there due to religious war. it was heartbreaking and heavy and gentle.
today i honor her life.
8.16.2007
i'm so there
The Trumpet Child World Wide Release Concert
On August 31st, Over the Rhine will kick off THE TRUMPET CHILD 2007 WORLD TOUR with a gala Album Release Concert at beautiful Coney Island Moonlight Gardens in Cincinnati, Ohio
Robert and I will be in attendance. Anyone else want to join?
8.06.2007
observations from the ladies room
things i've noticed in the public restroom lately:
- the care instructions in the back of my hanes says "machine wash warm. do not iron." seriously. just in case you were thinking about it, do not iron these underwear. seriously. anyone out there ironing their underwear???? i'm lucky if my pants get ironed in my mad, i'm-running-late-again dash to work in the morning.
- women have a high propensity for talking to each other while in the stalls. i'm all for friendliness ladies, but it's slightly uncomfortable having a conversation while my pants are down to my knees. so, unless you're family, let's talk while we wash our hands.
- and speaking of washing hands...please, i'm begging, if you're a non-handwasher; first, gross, wash your hands!!! and second, at least pretend to wash them when you're in there with another person. and another small point, just running water over them for 1.3 seconds with no soap is really quite pointless. don't even bother. p.s. i'm never going to take the pen that you offer me when i'm trying to fill out that inter-office envelope. thanks anyway.
- the care instructions in the back of my hanes says "machine wash warm. do not iron." seriously. just in case you were thinking about it, do not iron these underwear. seriously. anyone out there ironing their underwear???? i'm lucky if my pants get ironed in my mad, i'm-running-late-again dash to work in the morning.
- women have a high propensity for talking to each other while in the stalls. i'm all for friendliness ladies, but it's slightly uncomfortable having a conversation while my pants are down to my knees. so, unless you're family, let's talk while we wash our hands.
- and speaking of washing hands...please, i'm begging, if you're a non-handwasher; first, gross, wash your hands!!! and second, at least pretend to wash them when you're in there with another person. and another small point, just running water over them for 1.3 seconds with no soap is really quite pointless. don't even bother. p.s. i'm never going to take the pen that you offer me when i'm trying to fill out that inter-office envelope. thanks anyway.
8.01.2007
in the land of plenty
#1 lesson of 2007 (i thought i already knew, but never had to put into practice):
i can live with so much less (sub-revelation, i am very greedy)
the first part of the lesson came when we moved our 15' truck full of stuff to dayton in june. as you may have already read, i'm still in cleveland due to lack 'o employment in dayton (for now). so, i kept behind a few essentials - air mattress, a few dishes/silverware/cookware, bathroom stuff, an 11" TV, DVD player and a small folding "saucer" chair, plus some clothes and sheets/towels. it can all fit in my little car. and i'm not missing anything (and could probably give up more). it's nice to have a couch and a bed that's not on the floor and my books, but it's nicer to know that i can live without it.
the second part of the lesson came when i chose to visit a doctor that specializes in weight management, who put me on a very strict diet. i had ignored my health for quite a long time and was completely out of control. i probably eat a quarter of what i was eating prior to the doctor's visit. and i'm not starving.
i was talking to a friend yesterday about this lesson and she shared that she was learning that over-eating isn't so much about gluttony as it is about greed - hording, like we'll never eat again. and it's true, there were times when i'd be starting a "diet" on Monday, so i ate everything that i thought would be so difficult to live without the weekend prior to starting. such a twisted, unhealthy, greedy mentality. add in the fact that while i'm hording, there are people starving and i've got a whole new lesson. God help me.
i am thankful for being forced into staying behind in Cleveland. may the eyes of my eyes be opened.
i can live with so much less (sub-revelation, i am very greedy)
the first part of the lesson came when we moved our 15' truck full of stuff to dayton in june. as you may have already read, i'm still in cleveland due to lack 'o employment in dayton (for now). so, i kept behind a few essentials - air mattress, a few dishes/silverware/cookware, bathroom stuff, an 11" TV, DVD player and a small folding "saucer" chair, plus some clothes and sheets/towels. it can all fit in my little car. and i'm not missing anything (and could probably give up more). it's nice to have a couch and a bed that's not on the floor and my books, but it's nicer to know that i can live without it.
the second part of the lesson came when i chose to visit a doctor that specializes in weight management, who put me on a very strict diet. i had ignored my health for quite a long time and was completely out of control. i probably eat a quarter of what i was eating prior to the doctor's visit. and i'm not starving.
i was talking to a friend yesterday about this lesson and she shared that she was learning that over-eating isn't so much about gluttony as it is about greed - hording, like we'll never eat again. and it's true, there were times when i'd be starting a "diet" on Monday, so i ate everything that i thought would be so difficult to live without the weekend prior to starting. such a twisted, unhealthy, greedy mentality. add in the fact that while i'm hording, there are people starving and i've got a whole new lesson. God help me.
i am thankful for being forced into staying behind in Cleveland. may the eyes of my eyes be opened.
7.31.2007
mirrors
But we aren't always careful of our mirrors. I'm not. I made the mistake of thinking that I 'ought' not to write because I wasn't making money, and therefore in the eyes of many people around me I had no business to spend hours every day at the typewriter. I felt a failure not only because my books weren't being published but because I couldn't emulate our neighboring New England housewives. I was looking in the wrong mirros. I still do, and far too often. I catch myself at it, but usually afterwards...I've looked for an image in someone else's mirror, and so have avoided seeing myself.
Madeline L'Engle is killing me softly. i've spent my whole life looking in mirrors - right and wrong mirrors. as ani writes, i've "pour[ed myself] into the mold made for [me]." i don't know that many in my life have done it, made molds, intentionally, trying to rule over or control me. i think i've done it to myself, to be pleasing, to avoid conflict, to fit, to win love. i've been the 'cheery outgoing flirty' girl, the 'i've got issues too' girl, the 'i've got it all together' girl. i suppose there is a shadow of me in each of these women, but learning to become a person...i thought i was well on my way. seeing the Truth laid out bare in Madeline's words, i know there is a long way to go.
perhaps i'm a silly female, but i thoroughly enjoy "sex and the city". in one of my favorite scenes, miranda asks carrie "how long was it before you felt normal again?" and carrie responds "any day now"
any day now, turning away from the wrong mirrors, wishing to really see myself again.
7.13.2007
whiney pants
so, today it's off on the weekly trek to dayton for the weekend. we've only been doing this for a month now, but it seems like it's been forever. i will be so thankful when i finally get a job...got rejections from two other positions just yesterday. good times.
usually i'm a "if-we're-just-patient-it-will-all-work-out-in-the-end-so-much-better-than-you-ever-imagined" kind of girl, and i've had experience upon experience that has taught me so. but today i'm a "c'mon-God-i'm-really-tired-of-waiting" kind of girl. don't get me wrong, i'm not sitting around doing nothing just waiting for the perfect employer with the perfect job to just call me up out of the blue, making God more of a magician than anything else. i've applied to at least 50 jobs now...and nothing. not. one. interview. just about 10 rejections and the rest are out in HR oblivion.
ok, enough whining for now. in the end, i know it will all work out.
usually i'm a "if-we're-just-patient-it-will-all-work-out-in-the-end-so-much-better-than-you-ever-imagined" kind of girl, and i've had experience upon experience that has taught me so. but today i'm a "c'mon-God-i'm-really-tired-of-waiting" kind of girl. don't get me wrong, i'm not sitting around doing nothing just waiting for the perfect employer with the perfect job to just call me up out of the blue, making God more of a magician than anything else. i've applied to at least 50 jobs now...and nothing. not. one. interview. just about 10 rejections and the rest are out in HR oblivion.
ok, enough whining for now. in the end, i know it will all work out.
7.12.2007
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